Blindsided
by jstar1382
Summary: "He couldn't stop thinking about his conversation with Alexis. The words were an endless loop of self-deprecation and doubt..." XY post ep


_A/N: Wrote this very quickly. Please excuse the mistakes_

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 ** _Blindsided_**

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 _Post-Ep One-Shot for XY_

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 _Why doesn't Beckett trust me?_

He couldn't stop thinking about his conversation with Alexis. The words were an endless loop of self-deprecation and doubt, which wasn't something that he had experienced recently in regard to his relationship. Everything had been constant and stable. Everything had been perfect.

Maybe that was the problem. It had all been too perfect and now the thought that the love of his life had been keeping something like this from him…

The secrets and the lies were supposed to be a thing of the past. They were married, for Christ's sake. Married and she was still keeping secrets stowed away from him. Fragments of a truth that were buried in her consciousness that she had chosen to keep from him.

It had been a punch to the gut and a moment of hope in one painful encounter in the warehouse. Seeing her face, both frantic, pained, but alive had been a relief. She was still alive. That was something. Maybe that was the only thing that he had to hold onto at this point because everything in his body had screamed in protest at what a foolish man he had been to even feel positive. His wife hadn't been held against her will, she was on the run, without him. Last time she had been in trouble, he had been her partner in crime. She had allowed him to help, but this time…

His usual optimism had waned and by the time the cops had showed up; his short lived sense of relief had vanished much like his wife.

Kate had left and he had been completely in the dark.

After the shooting at the precinct, the police investigation had shifted into overdrive. People were shouting commands and suggestions, mobilizing as many people on the streets to find answers. He had felt useless and in the way. He had needed a moment to collect his thoughts, so he left.

"Dad?"

Alexis peeked around the corner, her words soft in the stark silence of the hidden room in his P.I. office.

"How'd you find me?" he asked, grumbling into his glass of amber liquid and taking a sip to let the burn glide down his throat.

"You weren't at home like you said you'd be and Detective Ryan called after I left the precinct. He hadn't seen you so that was a pretty big clue you didn't go back with them," she said, with a quiet laugh. Her eyes flashed toward him, concern etched in her expression. "Dad, you can't—"

"She's hurt, Alexis. She's hurt and she's on the run without me. I know you said to trust her…" He couldn't even finish the statement. Hell, he felt guilty enough even feeling it, but voicing it out loud. The words would hold more weight than hidden away from others.

"Would you have married her if you didn't trust her?"

She moved around to sit down on the chair facing him. Her question hung in the air like a lead balloon, weighing down his mind. The question wasn't meant to be answered, his daughter just posed it in a rhetorical nature, but he felt compelled to shake his head anyway.

"She's my partner. I trust her with my life," he whispered, the words broken in his own ears. As he swirled the remaining alcohol in his glass, he felt Alexis reach forward and grab his hand with a gentle squeeze.

"Then trust that she's doing this to protect you, to protect our family."

Our family. Alexis had considered Kate a part of the family and she was having unwavering faith in his partner. Things were finally falling into place and their lives were molding together. Yet now, he was the one questioning everything.

"But, I could help her." His voice was a little louder, a little stronger, but it still didn't hold its typical confidence.

"In her mind, she's doing what's best for everyone…"

"Or what she thinks is best for everyone, but it's typically not what's best for her," he explained, removing his hand from Alexis's to rub his face. His eyes stung from lack of sleep. "You didn't see her, Alexis. She's mixed up in something dangerous. Hell, she was shot and she still didn't come to me for help."

"You want to help her, Dad? Sitting here and wallowing with a tumbler of scotch isn't the way," she scoffed, standing up and offering her hand to pull him off of the chair.

"Alexis…" he warned, finishing his drink and setting it down on the table.

"Lick your wounds another day. Right now, you need to go to the Precinct and help the guys. Follow the clues and figure out who these people are. Figure out the story. It's what you're good at."

"She doesn't want me to," he reminded, before he watched her roll her eyes at his comment.

"Honestly, when has that ever stopped you?" she teased, handing him his jacket from the hook as they walked into the main office area.

"You do have a point." He had to stop wallowing in self pity because it wouldn't help his wife get home safe. Helping his friends, getting some answers, that was what he needed to do to figure out what Kate was mixed up in.

"Just be safe," she said with a sigh, wrapping her arms around him and sinking into his hug.

"Scouts honor," he stated, trying to lighten his tone.

"You were never a scout, Dad."

With a small laugh, Alexis leaned up to give him a quick peck on the cheek before leaving him to lock up his office alone. This hadn't been how he had expected the last twelve hours to go.

Not at all.

Now he couldn't stop his mind from wandering, thinking about Kate. It was bizarre that so much had happened in just a day. They'd been so in sync for such a long time, on the same page since the wedding. Even after his disappearance, they had managed to stay attuned to one another while finding their way back to everyday life.

Hell, he hadn't felt this isolated since she left for D.C.

Then it dawned on him. Kate had worked plenty of classified cases when she worked with the Feds. Maybe she hadn't decided to keep him in the dark…

Maybe she hadn't had a choice…

Maybe she was mixed up in something that stemmed from her time at the Attorney General's office, something that was so widespread that her old partner and other agents had been killed because of it. That had to be it because anything else seemed like a jumbled mess in his mind.

Turning off the lights and locking up his office, he paused for a moment, resting his head against the solid wood door frame and taking a deep breath. When he closed his eyes all he could see was her face as she said she loved him before she fled. The image burned in his mind. He needed answers. He needed to find her, but all he could do right now was live in that memory.

At this point, it was all he had.

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 _xoxo_


End file.
